[ this is probably what's meant by a learning curve.
it's easy to let jamil do things for him -- carry all the heavier and more tedious weight -- because it's what he's always done. it's how they've always been. and it's not that kalim has ever thought less of jamil (because he's fantastic, he's talented, he's so smart, he's incredible and amazing and all these glowing adjectives that kalim insists on attaching to him every time he opens his mouth), he just never questioned it until it was too late. by then, the contempt had already bred, festered; the resentment ran too deep to mend with smiles or hugs, and it hurt so much to know that jamil had been carrying it around for so long.
but he had his reasons. his hands have always been bound to kalim against his will. so by kalim's figuring, he's gotta be the one to pick up the slack between them. in little ways and big ways, he's trying to pull them closer to even ground. it won't happen all at once. cooking for himself (or attempting to, when jamil will allow it) had been a harrowing first step, but things started falling in -- and falling off jamil's plate -- a little more easily after that.
a little. jamil's still defaulting to service, and kalim's still too quick to let him (or, at times, forget himself completely and drag jamil into service regardless). he does his best. but pushing back is harder, like-- ]
You don't have to do all that.
[ kalim's not expecting it of him. he never has, but he has no evidence to back that up when he allowed it to happen for so long. so what would he normally do here? pull jamil in by his lapels, back him against the closed door, smile bright and kiss him breathless...? that all sounds about right. it also gives jamil zero agency. instead, kalim drags his bag to the couch and sprawls out over the cushions with an audible sigh.
he'll have to borrow silver's notes tomorrow. great seven, why is he dwelling on that when he's finally alone with jamil again? ]
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it's easy to let jamil do things for him -- carry all the heavier and more tedious weight -- because it's what he's always done. it's how they've always been. and it's not that kalim has ever thought less of jamil (because he's fantastic, he's talented, he's so smart, he's incredible and amazing and all these glowing adjectives that kalim insists on attaching to him every time he opens his mouth), he just never questioned it until it was too late. by then, the contempt had already bred, festered; the resentment ran too deep to mend with smiles or hugs, and it hurt so much to know that jamil had been carrying it around for so long.
but he had his reasons. his hands have always been bound to kalim against his will. so by kalim's figuring, he's gotta be the one to pick up the slack between them. in little ways and big ways, he's trying to pull them closer to even ground. it won't happen all at once. cooking for himself (or attempting to, when jamil will allow it) had been a harrowing first step, but things started falling in -- and falling off jamil's plate -- a little more easily after that.
a little. jamil's still defaulting to service, and kalim's still too quick to let him (or, at times, forget himself completely and drag jamil into service regardless). he does his best. but pushing back is harder, like-- ]
You don't have to do all that.
[ kalim's not expecting it of him. he never has, but he has no evidence to back that up when he allowed it to happen for so long. so what would he normally do here? pull jamil in by his lapels, back him against the closed door, smile bright and kiss him breathless...? that all sounds about right. it also gives jamil zero agency. instead, kalim drags his bag to the couch and sprawls out over the cushions with an audible sigh.
he'll have to borrow silver's notes tomorrow. great seven, why is he dwelling on that when he's finally alone with jamil again? ]