[ if their lives used to be sensible to jamil, then maybe it really is better to eschew it altogether. none of it was good for them, and jamil didn't deserve being saddled with the duty of coddling or serving a friend (or not a friend, as he's repeatedly insisted); not while he was so young, still had dreams of his own to fulfill outside of kalim's existence. here, on the other end of chaos, kalim's wondered how jamil manages, or what he would be like -- what they would be like, if anything at all -- if jamil were never compelled to be kalim's aide.

jamil can't jostle kalim back into a damn thing now that he's learned his lesson. as always, jamil taught him too well. ]

What? Me? You know I leave that to you!

[ firm as he tries to be, jamil's grip begs a sunny smile anyway. jade and floyd were right. he really is too nice. and he can't compromise his own nature, but jamil doesn't have to be around something (someone?) that irritates him so thoroughly either. not if he doesn't want to be.

kalim has to remind himself constantly. a person like him is nothing but a nuisance and a burden to a person like jamil. the notion feels like its own kind of poison; slow-creeping, insidious, until it punches him square in the chest and sets everything beneath his ribs to wither. he forgets so many things. forgives so many more. but that contempt burning in jamil's eyes? the venom that was dripping from his lips? jamil, his beloved; the man kalim adored and admired and trusted beyond any shadow of a doubt? how is kalim meant to forget that?

still, all smiles. but just in case jamil has any ideas about his touch being unwelcome, kalim reaches up to lightly rest a hand over his wrist. ]

I really mean it, though! You don't have to do all this. I appreciate it, but I can manage on my own.